“O God, help me to believe the truth about myself no matter how beautiful it is!” – Macrina Wiederkehr
We all struggle at some point in our lives with self-love and self-acceptance as we maneuver through the obstacle course of learning to recover our true sense of self. We may have a sense of yearning to be in a state of self-love; but lack the ability to make peace with the who, what, where, and when that keeps us from fully experiencing self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance is your ability to love yourself unconditionally regardless of flaws, traits, or circumstances that exist.
In my walk with recovering my true self, in taking off the many masks to conceal past hurts, and allowing myself permission to be imperfect; I have a few favorite ways to practice, grow, and amp my recovery toolbox.
There are a few ingredients that sharpen these tools: awareness, intention, humor, permission to be imperfect, and a dash of persistence and patience.
You can download my Magical Morning Practice that is focused solely on encouraging the goddess within through intentional practices each and every day, or keep reading for a more expanded version of how to Amp Your Recovery Toolbox through Self-Love and Self-Acceptance.
Find Gratitude in Perceived Failures… aka Silver Linings
Self-love and self-acceptance are amplified when you allow space to be fallible; otherwise, you feel ousted from yourself.
If you have a tendency to create unrealistic expectations for yourself and hold yourself to the gold standard of perfection; you are going to struggle to align to the frequency of self-love.
Practicing gratitude takes the focus off of you and allows space for living out and living in the frequency of, “everything happens for my highest good,” even when I can’t see the silver lining. Time has a way of unfolding the beauty of misfortune, cancellations, delays, unexpected events, and perceived endings as it relates to perceived failures. When you set-up your perspective to view the unfolding of your life to include silver linings, you create space for aligning to another intended path that you don’t have in your awareness, but that is perfect for you to grow, learn, and blossom the aspects of self that set you up to live in your purpose. This is often referred to as Faith in the Grace of God.
Lifting-up your emotional state is a practice that requires being in your awareness coupled with the ability to tune into your level of acceptance right where you are, regardless of whatever may be percolating in your life.
Ask Yourself What You Desire
If you struggle with believing that you are valuable and worthy of love it more than likely has traces in your family-of-origin.
If you grew up in a family that abandoned, neglected, or enmeshed with you on any level; the price of being in a relationship with yourself was at the risk of being cast out of the system you were in.
As a result, many of us grow into our adult bodies, not knowing how to pinpoint our needs because we were hypervigilant to the needs of others. The transforming of old patterns into new responses, the alchemy, of having a daily practice of asking yourself, “what do I need and want today, in this moment” creates a separate, powerful you that embodies the recognition of choice. Action around meeting your needs and wants in a healthy way is a magical recovery tool.
Be Your Own Super Hero
Having a sense of self separate from the narrative that you align with is a necessary ingredient in your elixir of self-love. Life happens, but what is happening in your life at this moment or the story that shaped you limits you as a finite being. You can transcend the story!
In order to get your needs and wants met as an adult, there has to be some level of trust in your self-reliance. If you feel secure in knowing what your needs are and can meet them, you will have a better chance at feeling like you are leaping tall buildings (metaphorically speaking) throughout your day.
In order to activate your superhero role (self-love), you will need the boundary booster pack added to your recovery toolbox. Internal boundaries function to provide a means of protection. When you have clarity surrounding what works and what doesn’t work for you, you are your own protector. Your sense of what you value helps to steer you. Boundaries allow you to align with what lights you from the inside.
Quiet Your Inner Critic
You create the potion or the poison you chose to embody and there is no better antidote to self-loathing than self-love and self-acceptance. Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Give yourself permission to not get it right all the time. Throw out the yardstick of comparing yourself to where you are supposed to be or what you are supposed to look like.
There is no “normal” to strive towards, other than the one that has you feeling ignited from within. We are all born with an inner knowing, an intuitive self, and the noise the brain can make can overwhelm your internal compass. Take up a mindfulness meditative daily practice to grow into your inner stillness. Once you find that stillness, you will find your self-acceptance.
Boxed breathing is a simple tool to quiet the mind and reset your nervous system. You simply breathe in 4 counts, hold your breath for 4 counts, and release for 4 counts. The inner critic can sometimes feel like a bully, but with a mindfulness practice, the bully will have to stand down while you engage in counting and focusing on your breath.
Inventory Your Strengths
When you believe that you are valuable and worthy of love, you embody and vibrate self-love. The law of attraction, otherwise known as quantum physics, suggest that you become what you think about most and the world acts as your mirror.
When our thinking aligns with the abundance of our well-being; we will manifest some pretty synchronistic, awe-inspiring, moments in our lives as we practice a growth vs. fixed mindset. None of us get through this life without facing adversity. Be proud of your growth and learning!
You are the guardian of your spirit. Push aside all the ways you negate your divine beauty and dive into the gifts you were given and focus on how these feel…
Use Affirmations
…And then practice this each and every moment you slip into limited, contracted, small, undeserving, negative thinking.
Affirmations are a way to re-boot your thinking by re-wiring self-defeating thought patterns.
When you practice affirmations, you expand the mind to begin looping our acceptance of abundance vs. scarcity. Affirmations bring focus to your mind and directs your mind towards what you choose. Peace-of-mind is a result of self-acceptance, but it doesn’t mean you no longer strive to choose the direction of your life. Accepting life as it is in the now and still being able to affirm yourself in the positive boost self-love.
Affirmations are power punches for moments when you slip into the wounded aspects of self; eventually, your slip won’t look like a landslide that takes hours or days to recover from, but merely a trip-up that you recover from quickly as you become the master of your self-talk.
Talk Yourself Well with a Trusted Listener
Self-acceptance allows for YOU to be your safe space. It is part of your knowing. This becomes extra-tricky for those whose unprocessed pain is stuck on survival mode.
Joy and peace of mind are fleeting at best when surviving is the best you can do with your day.
Rescuing yourself takes a lot of courage and perseverance, particularly if you have used food, alcohol, or relationships as a way to cope with your pain.
Expressing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted listener is a form of self-love. We all have access to what serves us for our highest good. You can be greatly aided by creating space to share with another while they hold the sacred container for you to move in and out of your inner wisdom and your outer struggle.
“A healer is not someone that you go to for healing. A healer is someone that triggers within you, your own ability to heal yourself.” ~ unknown
To begin the alchemic process of recovering your true self through self-acceptance and self-love you can download my Magic Morning Practices for intentional ways of honoring your sensual nature as you start your day with self-love. If you would like more recovery related resources, musings, freebies, and offerings, sign-up for my newsletter to stay connected. If you feel it’s time to get some long-overdue, over-hauling to your playing-it-small, soul-confined, constricted ways of being, I would love, love, love to be a part of your journey: contact me.
Lorri Lancashire is the founder of High Vibe Soul, LLC. a coaching program for women that struggle with recovery from food-related issues and negative body image. Lorri works as a mindset coach and is also a Masters clinician as a Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas. She has a private practice working with individuals and couples. Lorri is a Certified Eating Disorder Specialist through IAEDP (International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals). She has trained with Pia Mellody, the Beck Institute, and Terrance Real and is completing her training as an RLT therapist.
Click here to download Lorri’s free “I Am Solution” and begin to recover your joy!